The Adventures of Moses – Fig 1: Moses negotiates

[rosebaby3892]

And Moses then calmly returns to the Sabbath cave to announce to the Hebrews what God has told him:

"  Little guys, you have to smear your doors with lamb's blood, because country email list tonight, God is going to kill all the firstborns. So thanks to the lamb's blood, he'll know that Hebrews are living here and he won't get in. Any questions?
- Can't God come in through the window?
- No, why?
- Well, I don't know. He's God, after all.
- No. God likes doors. Yes, you, deep down, do you have another question?
- And the chimney?
- Well, listen, it's starting to get a bit much: God is neither Santa Claus nor Arsène Lupin, so he goes through the doors.
- Yes, but I just repainted it! So I'm not going to mess it up with lamb's blood! Can't I put stickers instead?
- Listen to me carefully, Ben Damidos, you put lamb's blood on and don't bother me! Otherwise your firstborn will go through it!"
– Excuse me, Mr. Moses, I wanted to know: is he going to kill the official firstborns or not? Because in fact, once near Memphis, I slept with a girl whose breast was as heavy as her leg was light, and ever since she's been asking me for alimony for a…
– YOU'RE ALL PISSING ME OFF ! 

And so the Hebrews drop the explanations to go and smear their doors with lambs' blood and... yes? How? Where do they find the lambs knowing that God has killed all the animals? The Hebrews all have an emergency box at home with a lamb inside "  In case of divine punishment, break the glass  "?

No matter: lambs spontaneously generate, and all the Hebrews spend their day painting. And when night falls, a most ominous cloud arrives over the capital... damn it! It's God! The darkness of said cloud advances over the land of Egypt, and each time it engulfs a house, if the door isn't painted in blood (couldn't God have just asked for a cross to be made with a Bic pen?), hey presto, the first-born local is killed. Sorry innocents, eh! Luckily God is love, because otherwise, phew.